There ain't no rest for the wicked.

I've used that line before, but I'm tired and lazy, so bare with me.

Spring semester is exhausting, and it's only sylly week. To be fair, I don't even have any big assignments or taxing classes. My schedule is great, and I really like most of my professors. It's just the constant socializing and working and responsibility that's getting to me, per usual.

There isn't anything major going on in my life at the moment. Recently, I did start writing articles for Odyssey, an online magazine. It's fun and gives me something to do when I don't want to read any more for my classes. You can check out my previous articles at http://theodysseyonline.com/author/ashleystahmer.

In my sphere of pop culture, the most exciting thing to happen recently is the confirmation of a Gilmore Girls revival, via Netflix. The majority of the cast has been confirmed to return, including all of Rory's hunky ex-boyfriends and some fan favorites, like Lane and Kirk. I feel good about this, but like all things in life: have high hopes and low expectations.

I'm off to write my next article for Odyssey and probably eat three pounds of caramel cluster trail mix. Stay warm and don't underestimate the value of good hot chocolate.

I miss you, but I don't want you back.

I’m heavy with the weight of missing you, my dear,
And I would tell you how but you’re too far away to hear.

 I'm eighteen years old. I graduated last year, knowing all too well that I would not see 90% of my fellow seniors ever again. For the most part, I was fine with it. We grow up, we move on with our lives.

But there are those few people who I know I'll miss. There will be those days when I can't focus on my English paper and wind up staring out the window of my dorm room, absentmindedly thinking about the people who used to mean so much and now are strangers.

I think there are different kinds of missing people. I miss my friends when I'm at college, but I know they're only a phone call away. They'll be ready to get Chickfila at 10pm our first night back. They might be far away, but I can still reach out to them. We've still got each other, and we both know that.

Then, though, there are the people who I lost along the way. There are the ones who used to sit up with me in my basement until 3am and now don't even know where I'm going to college. There are the people who used to ask me for advice about everything going on in their lives and now I don't even know if they still live in that house where we used to watch the stars from the backyard. I miss those people. I miss the friends I lost because of time and growing up. I miss the people I lost track of in the craze of endings and beginnings that took over the past 6 months of my life. I even miss the people who made a voluntary choice to walk out of my life as I held the door open for them.

But I don't want them back. I don't want to clear the air and dust off the memories for round 2. I think we idolize people from our past because it's easy. We don't want to remember the bad parts. There's a reason, though, why people come and go from our lives.

I'm eighteen years old, and I'm not the person I was when I was thirteen or fifteen or seventeen. I'm not the same person I was before I went to college. People grow and change, and we are allowed to decide when someone is no longer healthy for us, no longer supporting us. It doesn't mean they're a bad person. They're just no longer our person. I miss the people I've lost, and I would love to relive those memories, but I wouldn't repeat them now.

“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.”
 

Bright copper kettles and warm woollen mittens, brown paper packages tied up with strings . . .

I've spent all day working on a presentation and all I really want in life right now is a solid few days at home to do very little besides sleep and eat home-cooked meals. However, I've got another week until I'm home again.

So, I'm spending some time tonight away from homework (my brain can only handle so much for one night) to write about my favorite things and why you should watch/read/listen/love them, too.

TV Show: My current obsession is Reign, a historical drama that airs Friday nights on the CW. The drama is overblown in the best ways, and the love triangles are so juicy. It's really a guilty pleasure kind of show, but it has taught me some random historical facts. Seasons one and two are on Netflix; the third is airing now.

Book: I haven't had time to read in forever, to be honest, but an old favorite of mine that deserves endless love is Amy and Roger's Epic Detour by Morgan Matson. It's such a feel-good book about growing up and moving on from life's worst moments. Also, Matson is an amazing author who crafts equally amazing characters. The book focuses on Amy and Roger's cross-country road trip. While parts are very cliche, it's honestly a good read and has some curveballs. (Also, the receipts and pictures scattered throughout add a very nice middle school aesthetic that I wholeheartedly support)

Movie: I obviously don't get out much so my current movie recommendation is one I watched online a few weeks ago that was surprisingly worth the two hours of my life. Two Night Stand stars Miles Teller and Analeigh Tipton as strangers who wind up snowed in together after what was supposed to be a casual hookup. While the premise was lacking, it was actually decently funny and had an unexpected but also valid plot twist. 

Music: First, do yourself a favor and look up Reign playlists on Spotify, because all of the music from the show is golden. Second, listen to One Direction's new album (it'll be out Friday, but there's already been a few singles released) because it's precious and the boys have come so far since their What Makes You Beautiful days (also, anything related to 1D is a major middle school throwback which I appreciate)

There's a few of my favorites; hopefully, you found something to entertain you the next time you're procrastinating homework!

The 7th Week Itch

I moved into college August 29th, and this past week has, by far, been the roughest one yet. School hit hard this week - I had a speech due on Monday and then a paper due on Tuesday.

And, of course, it's never that simple. I turned in my paper only to have my teacher tell me it wasn't what she wanted and that my only choice was to rewrite it. I spent that night pouring over my notes again, trying to find something I hadn't seen before and trying not to completely collapse under the stress and embarassment.

We get through life's curveballs.

I think the other aspect that made this week particularly rough was that it's Parents' and Family Weekend on campus. I was home last weekend, and it was fantastic, so I didn't expect to feel so disappointed to be spending my time with Italian homework instead of my family. The nostalgia hits so hard, though. I miss my mom's overbearing hugs and my dad's life advice. I miss the fact that my sister is going to her first Homecoming dance tonight, and I'm not there to help her with her hair or zip up her dress.

I miss high school, too. The football games, the school spirit, the never ending love for each other and our class. You think that it lasts forever or that, at the very least, other people will be able to relate to the same struggle in college. I've found, though, that other people just didn't have the same kind of school spirit. Maybe we were lucky because we wanted to debunk the big high school myth: we wanted to matter to each other.

And I know that a lot of people didn't know who I was and that they wouldn't recognize me tomorrow, but it's okay. I had friends who loved me more than I could ever love myself, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

So, I miss the people and places and their weird traditions. I miss how my life used to be, because no matter how great it's becoming, I still worry that the best years have already come and gone.

This is Halloween, everybody make a scene.

(Gif courtesy of the cinematic masterpiece that is Halloweentown)

So, I spent the first twelve years of my life cycling through some very generic Halloween costumes. I was a witch approximately four times, a hippie, a vampire, and then one year, I just wore an all black ensemble that included a tutu.

In college, though, Halloween makes a comeback. Costumes need to be cute, relevant, a little bit sultry, and practical. It's not easy.

I started the hunt for a costume a few weeks ago and played with a few different ideas. I was going to be a vampire (this time with glue on fangs; fancy stuff), but I couldn't find a decent outfit. My next plan was to be an 80's chick for the sole reason that I like the bright make-up and wanted a reason to wear my neon lipstick. Alas, I didn't have the right clothes and didn't want to spend money on a new sports bra bright enough to fit the part.

So, I was losing stamina. I am a poor college student without a car, and Halloween is a week and a half away. Then, though, I saw something online that sparked an idea. And so I introduce my costume for this year . . . Louise from Bob's Burgers.

She's sarcastic and everything I aspire to be in life. Also, her outfit is super simple. I already have a green dress, and my mom has shipped me white bunny ears that I will turn pink with the help of some felt, so I'm pretty much good to go. I'm super excited for this and can't wait to actually go out.

I hope you all have a fantastic Halloween, and maybe you can make use of my costume choice or even my failed ones. Let me know what you're going as; love you all!!

Things I Am Learning

College is fantastic and fun and bittersweet. College is hard and unexpected and unpredictable. College is everything I ever wanted but nothing I ever would have asked for.

I've been at school for two weeks now, and I feel as if I already know more about college than I did in my first few days here. The things that once seemed daunting and unbearable are now achievable, conquerable. Here's my (unfinished) list of things to know before leaving home and while you're at school!

1. College changes people. For as many new people as you're going to meet, there's still this undeniable urge to call your friends from home and tell them to take the next train to visit you. What you come to realize, though, is that it's not that your friends from home don't love you anymore, but everyone is crafting their new life at their own schools. People are becoming who they always wanted to be, and sometimes, those versions are as unfamiliar as the people you met two days ago during a lecture on anthropology. Change is a part of life, and you either accept it or let go. 
2. Your parents will miss you more than they expected, too. While you're out making friends and diving into this new independent life, your parents are living the same lives they've had for the past however many years. Now, though, they've got one extra bedroom and an empty seat at the dinner table. My dad emailed me about a week after I moved in and said, "I just wanted you to know that I think about you constantly and miss you terribly." Cherish your last summer with your parents; make time for them while you're planning your next chapter. Remember to call your family at least twice a week and more, if you can. You've gone eighteen years seeing these people almost every day; don't become a stranger to the people who raised you.
3. The best moments are the unexpected. It's 1:30 (in the morning) on a Sunday night, but there aren't classes the next day, so half of the floor is in the lounge. Someone brought cookies in while another room offered their milk. Glasses and mugs came in pairs from rooms along the hall. Someone starts playing old songs from when we were all in middle school and for a little bit, people who barely know each other are sharing in this moment of bittersweet nostalgia. Don't dismiss the nights like these, because parties can only last for so long, but a night with this kind of feeling can last for so much longer.
4. Join clubs you actually want to be a part of. I feel like, in high school, clubs were this gateway to college. Everyone wanted to seem well-rounded and cultured. We played sports we didn't love in the hopes of one day getting a scholarship and joined clubs to save the world when we really weren't even sure how to save ourselves. In college, sign up for anything and everything that interests you, but do it for you, not for some chance down the road to tell someone how involved you were during your freshman year. You'll have time to network, but how often will you get to host your own radio show on the campus station?
5. Umbrellas are completely necessary. Don't say you'll buy one once you get to school, because you'll forget and then it'll be pouring for so long that you're convinced Noah's built a second ark. Also, check the weather in the morning, and if there is any chance of rain, just bring the darn umbrella. Better safe than sorry, and as always, better dry than soaking wet. 
6. Don't let the small things that seem big bring you down. You will miss your house and your dog. You'll want to spend the night in your best friend's backyard around a bonfire talking about life. You will miss your younger sister who's starting high school without you there to chaperone her. There will be nights when you just stay in bed and work on homework while everyone else seems to be going out or falling in love or finding out who they're supposed to be. Everything in college seems so big and great and amazing, but everyone is terrified of so much more than they'll ever say. Don't worry about that time you got drunk and told the boy who lives one room over that he was cute. Don't let a public speaking class keep you up at night, because you can't think of a single issue you want to get up there and talk about for five minutes. 
7. Take time for yourself and have fun. Remember to breathe. The things that seem daunting now will be familiar in a few weeks. You'll find your way around campus and make friends that you actually like. Spend nights in, if you want to, and don't feel as if you need to constantly be out and about. Remember to do your homework and wash your clothes and keep your side of the room somewhat presentable. Do things that interest you, and stop wasting time with people or events that don't. 

 Like I said, I've only been here for two weeks. I'm a newbie, fresh meat on campus. That said, I hope I can help some other freshman who's sitting in their dorm room on a Saturday night, because they just really didn't feel like going out. Every day is a new day; make the best out of each one and don't let the bad days get you down.

Love you all!