Monday, July 11, 2016


Time flies when you're having fun (or, you know, working a part-time job and sleeping too much while also somehow being exhausted all of the time).

Summer is bittersweet. I want last summer back, when we were all blind with optimism and naivety and thought that if we just put enough effort in, there was no way we would lose each other. I miss driving around at three in the morning, my fingers on the window edge as the stars passed us by. I want to go back to the nights that turned into mornings, sneaking back inside at 5 in the morning to see my mother getting ready for work and wondering why, oh why, I was up so late.

Life, though, is good. It's just a different type of good, a more mature type of contentment. I've been spending my days working at Old Navy or working on my newest novel at coffee shops. I went out last night and got ice cream with friends, and it felt familiar. It was reminiscent of last summer, back before any of us had any responsibilities. I'm an adult now who spends too much money on clothes and has to fill her tank once a week because she gets lost too damn often.

I've been spending time with a nice boy who says the right things and makes me laugh. Life is simple, and I'm not putting any faith in ordinary things. I've been to the library a few times and have poured my spare time into realistic fiction, breathing life from these fake romances that would never come to life in the real world.

I'm happy in a way that I haven't been for a while. I'm content, at ease with where I am and where I'm going. It doesn't mean I don't miss the way things used to be, though.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

There ain't no rest for the wicked.

I've used that line before, but I'm tired and lazy, so bare with me.

Spring semester is exhausting, and it's only sylly week. To be fair, I don't even have any big assignments or taxing classes. My schedule is great, and I really like most of my professors. It's just the constant socializing and working and responsibility that's getting to me, per usual.

There isn't anything major going on in my life at the moment. Recently, I did start writing articles for Odyssey, an online magazine. It's fun and gives me something to do when I don't want to read any more for my classes. You can check out my previous articles at

In my sphere of pop culture, the most exciting thing to happen recently is the confirmation of a Gilmore Girls revival, via Netflix. The majority of the cast has been confirmed to return, including all of Rory's hunky ex-boyfriends and some fan favorites, like Lane and Kirk. I feel good about this, but like all things in life: have high hopes and low expectations.

I'm off to write my next article for Odyssey and probably eat three pounds of caramel cluster trail mix. Stay warm and don't underestimate the value of good hot chocolate.

Saturday, January 2, 2016

2015 was wild.

This time last year, I was trying to figure out where I wanted to go to college. I was talking to a boy simply to waste time. I was looking forward to a long list of big things coming that seemed so far away.

Life is crazy.

I went to Disney World with my best friends on our senior class trip and had the best week of my life. We danced to Trap Queen at 2 in the morning and ate chicken nuggets for a week straight. We hosted a snack night on the pool deck with all of our extra food and made friends with people I forgot we even went to school with. I ate breakfast with Winnie the Pooh and promposed to a boy through a vine that I will forever be proud of.

And then we came home and life went on, too quickly. We went to prom. I went with the boy from this time last year, because life is strange and people always mean more than you think they will. It was a crazy night with good food and bad dancing. We wound up at a diner at 2:30 in the morning. It was the kind of night you see in the movies. I only remember bits and pieces because I was so happy but so tired. We spent the weekend away where I wound up listening to the ocean in the middle of the night, out in the sand where I couldn't see anything because of the fog.

On a brutally hot and disgusting day in June, I graduated from high school. I don't remember much, honestly. I was sitting next to a kid who was chewing tobacco but was nice enough not to let me step in it in my heels. It started raining as I waited to walk on stage and get my diploma. We spent the night on a boat where it was cold, and I was exhausted. That night was the start to a summer of looking at the stars and eating mozzarella sticks at midnight. It was the beginning of the end of a chapter.

Over the course of 2015, I visited the University of Delaware and made my decision to spend the next four years of my life there. I started school at the end of August. Over the course of the past few months, I've learned how to successfully do laundry at one in the morning, the perfect combination of vegetables on my Subway sandwich when the dining hall closes before I'm done my homework, and how to successfully get eight hours of sleep while living in a glorified youth hostel. I made friends at school and figured out how to keep my ones from home. I grew up a little but not a lot. I'm a freshman in college: it's in my wiring to make mistakes.

I don't know if it was the best year of my life, but it was pretty damn good.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

I miss you, but I don't want you back.

I’m heavy with the weight of missing you, my dear,
And I would tell you how but you’re too far away to hear.
 I'm eighteen years old. I graduated last year, knowing all too well that I would not see 90% of my fellow seniors ever again. For the most part, I was fine with it. We grow up, we move on with our lives.

But there are those few people who I know I'll miss. There will be those days when I can't focus on my English paper and wind up staring out the window of my dorm room, absentmindedly thinking about the people who used to mean so much and now are strangers.

I think there are different kinds of missing people. I miss my friends when I'm at college, but I know they're only a phone call away. They'll be ready to get Chickfila at 10pm our first night back. They might be far away, but I can still reach out to them. We've still got each other, and we both know that.

Then, though, there are the people who I lost along the way. There are the ones who used to sit up with me in my basement until 3am and now don't even know where I'm going to college. There are the people who used to ask me for advice about everything going on in their lives and now I don't even know if they still live in that house where we used to watch the stars from the backyard. I miss those people. I miss the friends I lost because of time and growing up. I miss the people I lost track of in the craze of endings and beginnings that took over the past 6 months of my life. I even miss the people who made a voluntary choice to walk out of my life as I held the door open for them.

But I don't want them back. I don't want to clear the air and dust off the memories for round 2. I think we idolize people from our past because it's easy. We don't want to remember the bad parts. There's a reason, though, why people come and go from our lives.

I'm eighteen years old, and I'm not the person I was when I was thirteen or fifteen or seventeen. I'm not the same person I was before I went to college. People grow and change, and we are allowed to decide when someone is no longer healthy for us, no longer supporting us. It doesn't mean they're a bad person. They're just no longer our person. I miss the people I've lost, and I would love to relive those memories, but I wouldn't repeat them now.

“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.”

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

It's beginning to look a lot like finals everywhere you go.

 The end of the semester is quickly approaching, and finals season is practically closing in around us. I have officially grown tired of wearing flip-flops every time I shower. There is not enough time in the day to finish all of my papers and projects and studying I should be doing. We are running low on snacks in our room (low is a relative term, but I can't eat any more goldfish or saltines so we're practically rationing the remaining ice cream).

Ah, college.

I'm currently sitting in the hallway of a building, waiting to go to English for the second to last time (I have never been quite so excited to be done with a class). I have a presentation tomorrow, an extra credit movie on Thursday night, a final on Friday, a research paper due Monday, a speaking final next Wednesday, and my last anthropology exam next Friday.

Oh, there ain't no rest for the wicked.

The weeks between Thanksgiving and winter break are like a strange and awful purgatory. Everything is due - papers, presentations, teacher evaluations - and there is so much to be done - studying, homework, packing for break. I'm counting down the days until I can collapse on my bed in my room at home and not move for six weeks.

It's all kind of bittersweet, though. My first semester at college has flown by and just as I'm starting to get settled into everything, we're taking a six-week intermission. I'm so excited to go home (hello, home-cooked meals and trustworthy showers) but I will miss my dorm and the people here. I'll miss my roommate and our aDOORable decorations (photo to the right). I mean, I won't miss living in the equivalent of a teenage hotel where no one sleeps and the smell of burnt Easy Mac fills the halls, but the people aren't half bad. It'll be strange not to hear people running up and down the halls at midnight or see everyone hanging out in the floor lounge after classes.

I'm ready to be home, honestly. I miss my parents and my sister; I can't wait to spend Sunday nights watching movies with my mom or taking my younger sister to get frozen yogurt after dinner. It's going to be nice to be home where Wawa is less than five minutes away and I can turn a phone call with my best friend into an impromptu visit.

College is amazing, but home isn't half bad, either.

Thursday, November 26, 2015


I think that the holidays put a lot of unnecessary weight on family gatherings.

Don't get me wrong; I love my family. My grandmother's one of the sassiest people I know (think Emily Gilmore from The Gilmore Girls) and my extended relatives are all great. Yet, there's something about having to sit around and force small talk for five hours that just kind of makes you wish things were different.

It's not that I think family gets too much credit; I just think that friends don't get enough. If we're going to be honest, most friendships don't last forever, so I think it's especially important to validate them while they presently exit.

I love my friends with my entire heart. I miss them when I'm at school and cry when I hug them the first night we're back on break. I text them weekly to make sure they're okay. I'm like the overbearing mother you can't decide if you really want. I guess it's true when they say that friends are the family we pick for ourselves, and I love the choices I've made.

College is this crazy time of growing up too quickly and losing track of time between parties and classes and papers and surviving. We forget to text our friends casually and then we're only talking when someone's made out with a boy from our high school and then suddenly, you're not talking at all. You're coming home on break to find out that no one has any clue what half of the group has been up to, because everyone got so swept up in their own lives for the past few months.

It happens, and it's sad.

The whole point of this post is to remind people that we have to hang out with our families. Social standards tell us that, but friends are so often pushed into the background. We've all heard the saying "blood is thicker than water".

In actuality, that saying comes from, "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."

It doesn't really matter what is thicker than what, to be honest. What is important, though, is that we remember to spend time with everyone. We need to remember to reach out to people from home while we're gone, people from school while we're home, and family when we're all over.

I hope you all have a happy Thanksgiving and a nostalgic Friendsgiving.

Friday, November 13, 2015

Made in the A.M.: A Spiritual Journey

In the spring of my freshman year of high school, One Direction released their first album, Up All Night. I impulsively bought the album on iTunes on the way back from a lacrosse game. I proceeded to jam to it for the next month. I saw them in concert with my friends on a Monday night and skipped my earliest class the next day. Shout out to my mother.

2012 saw their sophomore album, Take Me Home. This is, to put it lightly, their best work. This was during my peak obsession with the band, and I loved every moment of every song. It was an emotional roller coaster. I drove 6 hours with my best friend to see their concert in Pittsburgh. Obviously, we live nowhere near Pittsburgh, but it was so worth it. We had floor seats, I had indisputable eye contact with Louis, and I spent too much on a t-shirt that I lost in the week after. (See photo to the left of how close I was to these boys)

Their next two albums, Midnight Memories and Four, fell into the background of my high school career. I was trying to maintain a very cool persona that did not include boy bands. Midnight Memories had some serious jams that I did not appreciate as much as I should have. Also, that album went from these cute kids who danced around onstage to boys who sang about things like sex and rock and roll. Also, should have appreciated that more. I was such a naive child before Midnight Memories. 

I honestly haven't even listened to most of Four. These boys were putting out albums quicker than I could listen to them.

After Zayn's departure from the band and their impending hiatus, though, I felt a need to indulge the me of four years ago who would have been in tears at the thought of these boys breaking up. Over the first two months of college, I slowly found myself falling back into old habits out of nostalgia, and that unsurprisingly included checking up on One Direction.

So, this morning, my roommate and I got ready to Made in the A.M. Our weeks of impatient waiting were over, and it was wondrous. Over the course of today, I've listened a few times' through and have maintained my composure long enough to review each song, track by track.  I'll be reviewing the deluxe album, because why not go all the way? (Note: I should be working on a paper or socializing with people or doing laundry or anything besides reviewing One Direction, but I've got all weekend for the more important necessities)

Let's do this.

Hey Angel: I like the opening of this one. It sounds kind of mystical, and then more sounds just keep coming in and blending really well. The chorus of this one is catchy but not too lyrically stimulating. Overall, though, it has a nice sound and seems like the kind of song you can jam to while curling your hair (able to sing along without feeling like you need to dance)

Drag Me Down: This was the first single for the album, so I had a fair amount of time to listen to it. It's definitely one of my favorites, though. It's got an edgy rocky vibe to it that I want to head bang to at a concert. The way the bass drops in this song makes my heart flutter.

Perfect: Another single ahead of the album's full release. I love this entire song, from the background instruments to the lyrics to the overall idea. Also, the music video for this song did for me what Midnight Memories attempted. It was a spiritual experience. (I also love it when celebs write songs about each other, so the theory that Harry wrote this about Taylor is adorable and also so fun)
 Infinity: This song is a little slower and has a sweeter vibe to it. The beginning makes me want to just kind of sway to it at a high school dance. I love how this song builds into the chorus, and then the lyrics are amazing. Another great aspect of this song is that it really plays up the boys' different vocal strengths and blends them really well.

 End of the Day: The opening of this song paints such a great picture, and it's reminiscent of a completely different time. Then, though, we switch to the chorus, which is a heavy hitter. It's got this pulsing beat that keeps building until it eventually calms down again. I prefer the slower parts; it almost sounds like someone is softly clapping in the background. I like the idea of it. As a whole, it's good but not musically great.

If I Could Fly: My number one pet peeve about this song is that it's not called "For Your Eyes Only" (such a crucial line of the chorus whereas "If I Could Fly" is only in the beginning once). It's the slowest song of the album so far, and besides the one peeve, it's so good. It's a really sweet ballad about opening up to someone who you're finally able to trust. The bridge of this song is amazing, and I love the background strings.

Long Way Down: Excuse me while I sob. This is probably in my top few of the entire album. "I try to forgive you, but I'm strugglin' cause I don't know how" is such a sad lyric and super relevant. This entire song depicts the idea when you want to forgive someone, but you simply can't, and that's one of the worst kinds of sadness. So, yeah, tissues.
Never Enough: After "Long Way Down", my heart was not ready for this jam. I want to dance to this at a frat party (which is the sweatier, more crowded version of a safe high school dance). The entire vibe of this song is fun, and my only complaint is the weird hiccup-like noises between some of the verses.

Olivia: This was a particular hit this morning, because my roommate's name is Olivia. Therefore, it's an obvious fave of the album, because I have a second degree connection to 1D. This song is super cute, though, and sounds like something from a Disney Channel movie in which the boy messed up and is trying to serenade Olivia back into his life as he follows her through the halls of their school, occasionally pausing to fall dramatically to his knees.

What a Feeling: Immediately, this sounds more grown up than its predecessor. It's got a stormier feel to it. It's reminiscent of the Backstreet Boys, too. I like that the boys do a lot of singing together on this one. It makes it more cohesive. Also, there's no funny business in the background noise on this one, which is nice.

Love You Goodbye: I mean, there's no denying that this song is about break-up sex. If we look at it, though, as simply a song about not being able to let go of a relationship even though its run its course, it's super relevant. This is one of my favorites of the album just because it's relevant and sweet and sad all at once. I also love how they build up into the chorus with this one.

I Want to Write You a Song: For some reason, the opening reminded me of "Hey There, Delilah". Unimportant, though. The first few verses of this song are cute but kind of lacking in anything worth writing about. I do like the overall tone, though, and the chorus is really soothing. Kind of song you want to listen to while working on homework or napping while pretending not to.

History: Harry sounds amazing. They all sound amazing, to be honest. I like everything about this song, from the melody to their voices to the lyrics, but I don't love any of it. It's a good song, though, and fitting that this is their last album for awhile.

Temporary Fix: This almost sounds like Neon Trees' "Animal", just in the beginning, but it's a good comparison. There's an underlying rock component to this song that makes it such a jam. I want to dance around to this and rock out on air guitar. This song is about a one-night stand but as always, so tastefully done. 

Walking in the Wind: The beginning instrumental reminds me of a Mario game. This song has a similar theme to "Love You Goodbye", but it reminds me more of losing a friend than necessarily a boyfriend/girlfriend. It's cute and sad at the same time. Also, it makes me imagine Harry's hair blowing in the wind, which is nice.

Wolves: The opening makes me think of Charlie Brown. I can't get past it. I like the style of this song and how the verses work together. The chorus is peppy and fun, too. This is a pop song, tastefully done. I want to dance to this in my dorm room, hair flips and all.

A.M.: This one hit me hard, because it reminded me of staying up until three in the morning to talk about life with my best friend from home. As a freshman in college, my life has been made up of goodbyes for the past few months. Between the end of summer and the end of various weekend trips back home, the goodbyes never get easier. This song is a slow tribute to that, and I love it so very much. It's the perfect ending to their album and this part of their career.

Well. There you go. This album is fun and sad and peppy and slow and hard-hitting and bubbly. It's such a change from their first release; they've really grown lyrically and musically. I'm almost proud to be a fan, but I refuse to call myself a directioner. My favorites of the album are "Love You Goodbye", "A.M.", "Long Way Down", and "Infinity".

I recommend listening to the album. I don't know if it's the best of their career, altogether, but it's pretty damn close. They did well without Zayn. It's hard to say if he would have added enough to make a difference. Overall, it was enough to make me a little sad that I couldn't even consider going to their next tour, but they deserve this hiatus.

And I deserve some ice cream after writing up this post.